Heroes Available

Michael

I am Michael. I am 37 years old. And I am gay.

When I was about 22, I was on the way to a cousin's wedding. Driving in the car with my parents and my aunt and uncle, the discussion turned to my cousin, Lou.

Lou was someone I'd known all my life. He was a handsome, vibrant guy who I always admired. He was a little younger than my parents, divorced and lived in Manhattan. I'd see him at family functions maybe once or twice a year.

Now, my aunt was telling my father that Lou wasn't doing so well and that he looked sick. I wasn't sure what they were talking about, but I knew it wasn't the flu.

"What's wrong with Lou?" I asked.

"Well, he's got AIDS," was the reply.

"How did he get AIDS?" I inquired further.

"Well, he's gay."

Bells began going off in my head. Cousin Lou is gay? Really? Another gay person in the world? And in my family, no less? Forget the fact that he was dying; the fact that I had a gay cousin was earth shattering to me. I was not alone after all!

As fate would have it, Cousin Lou and I were seated next to each other at the wedding reception that day. At the time, I was working for the same department store where Lou had spent most of his career as a buyer. We talked shop for a while and had grown-up conversations. All I can remember thinking was how glad I was for that moment.

After the wedding, Lou suggested that I come into the city sometime for a visit. Why wait for another family function to see family? Over the next six months or so, we'd make plans to spend time together. I'd take the Long Island Railroad to Penn Station where I would be picked up in Lou's town car. He would take me to dinner or the theater or someplace entertaining. I met his lover of nearly two decades, Francois, and felt sad that I'd never seen him before.

Lou never asked me about my sexuality. I'm sure he knew I was struggling with the same things he struggled with as a young man. But rather than confront, he simply showed me his life as it was. He let me know I had options outside a dark and lonely closet. He showed me that I had limitless possibilities including honesty, happiness and love.

For the first time in my life, I saw the light of who I was. I began to accept myself rather than reject this thing that I had misunderstood for so long. Lou died before I ever got a chance to thank him. But I thank God everyday for Lou. He changed the course of my life. He was my gay hero.

As I begin working on this project, I am reminded of Lou's gift and how important it is for the LGBT people to have heroes of their own. I am reminded that each one of us has the responsibility to live our lives as openly as possible. We must not deny who we are. Silence equals death. We must emerge from the shadows. We must learn to love ourselves. We must empower our younger brothers and sisters until one day, we can all stand in the sunlight and proudly declare, "I AM!"

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